Bill is a working actor in Chicago. Which is a fancy way of saying that he does other things to pay the bills because he’s not good enough to get paid for acting.

He currently has a job in sales, but the only thing he’s sold me on is the fact that he has no talent whatsoever. He also gave architectural tours on the Chicago River for a short stint…let’s just say that his reviews weren’t great considering his “extensive” knowledge of the city boiled down to where to get a decent slice of pizza.

So far in his “career” (I use that term loosely), he has appeared on Chicago stages in various plays with many different theater companies. Bill has mostly performed improvisational theater, and he writes and performs sketch “comedy” (again, loosely). Other than that, he can be seen on various web-based series, and of course, here on Kick A Rock. Must be nice to be a co-founder huh? Way to hire yourself, man!

Seriously though, you should check him out on Visual Edge, an up-and-coming production company that’s doing some serious work. I wonder if they’re hiring? Check him out on two of my favorite shows, Snatching Defeat from the Jaws of Victory and 101 Ways to End a One Night Stand.

As far as film is concerned, he has acted in three that were shot in and around Chicago. What he won’t tell you (of course I will) is that he was cut out of two of them, and the third one, Cyrus: Mind of a Serial Killer, has recently been released straight to DVD. In my humble opinion, they should cut him out of that one too.

What else? Oh right, he claims to have trained at The Second City Conservatory in Chicago. Way to name drop, douche bag. If this were true, he would at least be a “little funny”. Which he is not. At all. Seriously, I have more comedic talent in my cheaply-animated finger than this diva does in his entire body.

Well, hopefully from being around me, he’ll actually learn a thing or two about acting and entertaining. At least he better, because if he doesn’t, I will jump off the sketch pad and round house kick him faster than Patrick Swayze did in Roadhouse! That’s how I roll.

This Bio is finished, suckas! If you want to hear more about him, you’ll have to ask him yourself.